it's not what I expected
I expected
a thick head of curly red hair
turquoise eyes
a slender figure without dieting
Popularity
cheerleading in addition to honor society
athletics in addition to newspaper editor
boys boys boys
in addition to chastity
happy parents
and a dog and a cat
fortune as well as talent
fame, or at the very least, renown
iss Universe, possibly, as well as Mother Teresa
a large house, white picket fence included
five children underfoot
each one's bedroom orderly
pets that neither shed nor throw up
I would vacuum in my pearls and cashmere if there were dirty
my baked Alaska would proudly wear its perfectly golden meringue
and still be solid ice cream inside
socks would never disappear
my to-do list always neatly done by 4 pm
leaving the evening for dining,
meaningful conversation,
and ecstatic experiences
I would see You in everyone I met
and be neither provoked nor provoking
unruffled unhurried undismayed
until I died peacefully
at an hour of my choosing
wrapped in Your love
You gave me
brown floppity hair
turquoise eyes
a body that reveals how I've treated it
music and friendship
and a capacity to watch silently
for months if necessary
while carrying on several conversations at once
I'm not Miss Universe, but I've met her
my baked Alaska is gray and melts
no children at all
pet fur on the pillowcases
I recycled the 17 undone to-do lists
I forget to cook
but I can play luminous music
for dinner, meaningful conversation
or ecstatic experiences
I do see You in everyone I meet
and yet am easily provoked
perhaps I'm provocative as well
I'm dreamy forgetful hurried
constantly dismayed by the unruliness of my life
I expected it to be like Christmas morning
blessings and graces wrapped in boxes with bows
all orderly in my soul
unfolding each in its season
You gave me an Easter egg hunt
I stumble in the darkness of my psyche
and kick open the truth I need
miraculously, it blooms-
faith instead of certainty
hope instead of answers
love regardless of outcomes
I will die peacefully
at an hour of Your choosing
wrapped in You
perhaps it's the same story
read with or without translation
but I'm learning to trust
Your version
The Liberal Catholic Church
